Let them be little

Our sweet little boy, Will, has been home for a month now! I cannot believe how fast time is flying, and how quickly he is growing! He is 5 months old, 2 months adjusted. His ‘adjusted’ age goes off of his due date. And that’s how we will track his growth & development, according to his adjusted age.

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At his last appointment he weighed 8 pounds 7 ounces. But I think he weighs at least 9 pounds now! and he barely fits in the pack n play insert we have now because he is getting so tall! He was 20.75 inches last appointment.

Here are some updates about the little man and his personality. He is still in newborn clothes. The fit pretty well for the width, but he's still got room in the length to grow. He's acting so old to me. He used to just sleep and eat. Now he is awake for more of the day, smiling and being cute! It's so fun talking to him and watching him respond. He's able to follow me with his eyes too! So I know he's actually looking at me :) His hair is starting to get darker, and he definitely has brown eyes. He hates being swaddled, but usually won't sleep well unless he is swaddled tight. But somehow almost every time he wakes up with his arms out of the swaddle, and sometimes his feet too! When he's awake he likes to have his arms and legs free, kicking and waving around. During the nights he wakes up every 3-4 hours to eat, during which time i've been watching Dawson's Creek on Netflix to help keep me awake! Sadly, I'm almost done with all 6 seasons, so I'll need to find another show to watch! Let me know if you have any suggestions! 

Right now, Will and I are in California with Matt's family! We have been here since Thanksgiving and we are very much enjoying it. Matt is at home in Utah working hard and studying up for finals and then he will be back in California on the 19th. It took a couple days to get used to the nights with Will without him, but we adjusted quickly. It's been nice being away from the snow and cold in Utah! 

 

So, when I first became pregnant, I wanted to breastfeed. I wasn't super educated on it, and knew it's usually hard with your first, but my sister began educating me and encouraging me. Well, when Will was born at 26 weeks, I began pumping a couple hours after he was born. I still had hope that one day I would be able to breastfeed my baby.   I had no idea what was in store for me as far as breastfeeding goes having a premature baby.  To keep my milk supply, I had to pump 8-10 times a day, which is every 2-3 hours.  Sadly, I was on high blood pressure medications for 6+weeks after I had Will, which didn't allow my milk to ever fully come in. Each time I pumped I would only get about an ounce from both sides combined (which isn't much at all). But, I hoped that once I did start nursing him, that my body would produce what he needed. I tried all sorts of supplements but nothing helped my supply to fully come in. Once Will was able to start to try breastfeeding, he would suck and suck and suck and barely get anything from me. I'm pretty sure it was partly due to his tongue tie, but also due to my lacking. Long story short, I was never able to fully breastfeed Will. So, for the past 5 months, I've been pumping. Because Will wasn't able to take my milk the first few weeks of life and then when he was sick as well, luckily we were able to store up a bunch of milk in our freezer. Sadly, we ran out of frozen milk last week. Which meant that it was no longer necessary for me to keep pumping because I wasn't producing nearly enough for him. It's hard to describe how much I loved and hated pumping. I hated it because it took up SO much of my time, and it often made me depressed because each time i pumped I was reminded of not having enough for Will. I loved it because for 4 months, it was the only thing i was able to do to be a mother to Will. Sure I visited him several times a day and held him, but the only part of me i was able to fully give to him was my milk. So last week I weened off of pumping, which broke my heart but also was a relief. 

I'm hoping that my next pregnancy is 100% different, with only the same end result, a beautiful healthy baby. 

On a brighter note, there was a video floating around Facebook made by a preemie  dad who took videos of their babies first year of life. Boy did I cry the entire video! Unfortunately, we didn't take many videos, but we took several pictures! So i put together this video of pictures from Will's 4 month NICU stay!

This past month has been the happiest month of my life. I am so so grateful for our baby boy and how healthy he is! This will be such a fun holiday season having our new addition with us. 

Matt's sister, Julie, took some 'wanna-be newborn' pictures for us a few weeks ago. He is still on oxygen but we took these right after his bath when we were changing his cheek stickers. 

It's weird being called a mom and saying ' I have a son'. But I LOVE it so so much. I can't imagine my life without this bundle of joy. My heart is so so full this holiday season and always will be. 

Also, Matt and I celebrated our 2 year anniversary! I cannot believe how quickly it has passed, though it also seems like a lifetime. I am so thankful for such a helpful, loving, amazing husband. He is such a great father to Will. Love you Matt!

xoxo

-one happy mama-

He's Home!

Will came home on Saturday November 2, which just happened to be his 4 month birthday! That week was a crazy one. The doctors had started talking about discharge with us and said it (most likely) be that week, but the previous Sunday (oct 27), Will had a really off day and wasn't wanting to eat anything. That made us nervous and we thought we would be staying longer because of it. BUT he picked up right where he left off eating the next day. The next few days went by so quickly! The nurses began doing all the discharge teaching with us and we were scheduled to "room-in" on friday night. Luckily Matt had already taken Friday off of work so it was going to work perfectly. 

 We quickly finished up the gifts we put together for our nurses! Here's a picture of it. It's a glass ornament with Will's profile silhouette inside with his name and date of birth. Then we attached this cute note we found on pinterest that says- 

"A little something for your tree

For when you see it think of me

And how you saved my life that year

And eased all of my parents fears

You may not wear a cape

You job's not fighting crime

But when i think of super heroes

It's you that comes to mind"

 We cleaned up the house and packed a bag for the night! We were so excited to spend the first night with our man. For the babies that go home on oxygen & monitors, they have the parents stay the night with the baby in a room to make sure everything is working and functioning as it should. 

 Here is the room we stayed in with Will. It was our first night on our own with  Will! 

 We LOVED it so much. We didn't want to put him down! 

 The picture below is of his 'bikini top' as my mom referred to it! Underneath it are two leeds that read his heart rate and respiratory rate. They hook up to a monitor that will alarm when his heart rate is too fast, too slow, or if he is periodic breathing. Most of the time it is only alarming because the leeds are falling off, or if we forget to plug it in to charge. 

 He is such a snuggle bug!

 The next morning the doctor came in and said he was discharging us! We had forgotten the 'coming home' outfit at home in the hustle of everything, so we just put some clothes that we had already been keeping at the hospital for him. We put him in his carseat- he wasn't too happy at first!

 And we were off!! I can't describe the emotions we felt that day. It was all so surreal. It didn't really hit me until we were actually home and I was feeding him. Tears came to my eyes, I hadn't ever imagined what it would be like to have him home because we had never known any different than the hospital! 

 Matt is SO great with Will. Especially during the night! He is so helpful and willing!

 On Sunday afternoon my mom and mason arrived! Mason was SO sweet with Will and just wanted to hold him and touch him. It was the cutest!

 My mom came to visit when Will was first born, but at the time he was still in an 'incubator' when he wasn't able to be held. So this was the first time she was able to hold our miracle boy!

 James had been showed pictures of Will on a daily basis so he knew who he was. He was so sweet with Will the first time he met him and it is so fun to watch him interact with him! 

 It was SOO nice having my mom here. She helped so much. Especially during the night. She would take Will and rock him when he was fussy so that we could sleep. She is the best!

 It has been SO nice having Aly live so close! Yesterday she and James walked over to watch Will while I showered. She's THE best! 

 Grandmother and Poppy came to visit!

 Kara just happened to overlap with my mom for a few days, so we had a family dinner with everyone on Friday night. 

 We hated to say goodbye to my mom :( But one day we will live close together! 

 Just missing sweet Taryn!

 We went on our first walk on saturday- Will seemed to like it!

 I am so lucky to be able to snuggle this boy whenever I want! 

 He loves crossing those ankles! We even have an ultrasound with him crossing them!

 We think he is going to have hazel eyes!

 He is growing up so fast. It's hard to believe he's already been home over a week!

 Love this boy with all my heart. 

After 4 months, 123 days in the NICU, we finally have our sweet little miracle baby home. We are still adjusting to the nights, but he give us good 2-4 hour increments where he sleeps and sleeps so we do too! We are so thankful to have him home.

We drove by the hospital the other day, and tears (lots) came to my eyes. 4 months of our year were spent there. We cried there. We laughed there. We hoped there. We loved it there. It was our second home. We became so close to our favorite nurses. During our 4 months there, we didn't know any different. We didn't know what it was like to bring home a baby from the hospital after he was just born, we didn't know what it was like to have a newborn at home. But now, looking back, it is safe to say it was the hardest journey we have ever traveled. It tested our faith, our love, and our strength, among many other things.  

I am so so thankful for the medical technology that we have today that allowed the doctors and nurses to save our little boys life. We will never ever forget them. It is thanks to them that I am able to snuggle my little boy every night. We are so so blessed.

Thank you to all who have contributed prayers to us during these past 4 months. We definitely saw the Lord's hand at work on a daily basis. We couldn't have made it through without all the love and support that was shown to us. We will never be able to repay you, but just know we appreciate you so much. 

And last of all, I want to publicly thank our Lord, our Savior, for giving this sweet spirit to us to care for.  I don't always feel worthy of His love, but i feel it constantly. I see the light of Christ in my sweet little one all the time. I am the luckiest mama and so thankful that our Father in Heaven trusted me with this sweet boy. 

xoxo