Texas!

This past month has been so fun! Will and I spent a month in California with Matt's family, and now we are in Texas for 10 days with my family! It was sad to leave California! We had so much fun. I am so thankful for having such amazing in-laws! 

On Thursday before we left for Texas we had Will's baby blessing! 

All of Matt's siblings were there, it was so nice! We got Will's cute little blessing outfit from a little boutique in Utah called Sunday's Child. It was so cute on him! Still in size newborn haha. 

Friday morning Will and I hopped on a plane to Texas! This trip was sort of last minute. My younger brother Mason is going on his mission for our church on January 8th, so this Sunday, the 29th, he is giving his farewell talk in our church service. This will be the last time we are all together for about 2+ years! For Christmas he gave me a framed picture of him and Will! We will definitely keep this up in our house to remind us of his amazing strength and testimony!

^ the picture he had framed for us

So Will and I flew from Burbank, CA to Las Vegas, NV but didn't get off the plane. Then we flew from Vegas to El Paso, TX where we had a lay over then from El Paso to Dallas! It was a LONG day. but Will did SO well! Luckily he slept through each leg. On our flight from Vegas to El Paso there was no one in the seats next to me so he had a nice nap on the seats next to me!

                                                     

 

So happy to be home! 

California Christmas

Matt and I treated ourselves to an early Christmas present! 

A Nikon! We've always wanted one, but never really had a cause to get one. But now we have an adorable little baby whose life we want to document! We are having a lot of fun with it! Here are some pictures we've taken. 

(We are both new to this thing, so we are still learning!)

Will sat on Santa's lap at the ward Christmas party in California! He pretty much slept through it. We are so happy to have him with us this Christmas. 

A Christmas To Remember

Oh how love the Christmas season! This year I think I appreciate the meaning of Christmas more than ever. Given this years events & experiences, I have never been more thankful for our Heavenly Father, and for His Son who came to Earth to die for us.

Before this year, I had never really experienced anything 'life-changing' or really significant, besides getting married to my best friend of course. 

This year I experienced levels of emotions that I had never imagined.

Sure I knew what fear was. But I hadn't experienced the fear of not knowing if my baby would survive delivering at 26 weeks. Or the fear of watching my baby get sick again when he was so close to coming home.

Sure I knew what joy was. But I hadn't experienced the joy of hearing that 26 week baby cry for the first time. Or the joy of seeing my baby open his eyes for the first time a week after he was born. Or the joy of being able to bring my baby home after 4 long months in the NICU.

 Sure I knew what sadness was. But I hadn't experienced the sadness of watching my baby silently cry because of the tubes down his throat. Or the sadness of having dear friends in the same NICU say goodbye to their sweet Lacey who was born at 24 weeks, knowing that could have been us.

 Sure I knew what happiness was. But I had never held my baby for the first time 3 weeks after he was born. Or  the happiness of putting clothes on my baby when he was a month and a half old, because this meant he was free of the IVs.

And sure I was thankful. But never has my heart been so full of gratitude. For 

this precious life. For the amazing miracles of modern medicine. For the amazing medical staff that held our hands as we watched our little one ride the roller coaster of the NICU. For the amazing friends and family who have stood by us from day one. For an amazing husband who was strong when I was weak, and lifted me up when I was down. 

 And most of all, I am so incredibly thankful for a loving Savior. He has felt each of these emotions x1000. and because He did that willingly, I was, and am, able to turn to him in my darkest hour. When I thought all hope was lost, He was there. When I felt like giving up, He was there. When I was overjoyed by the progress our baby was making, He was there.

Knowing that someone has felt exactly what I was feeling made it that much more bearable. I always had, and will have, someone to turn to in times of despair, sorrow, and loneliness. I know I can always depend on Him to be there. I know if we all can rely on Him, He can and will help us through our trials and sufferings. 

"All that is unfair about life can be made right through the Atonement of Jesus Christ." Shayne M. Bowen

John 14: 18 "I will not leave you comfortless: I will come to you."

This Christmas season my heart is full of so many things, but mainly gratitude. I am grateful for our dear Father in Heaven who sent his own son here to die for me, and you.And for the knowledge that He did so that we may live again. I hope we can all remember the true meaning Christmas and the tremendous impact it has on our lives.

I cannot put into words how grateful I am for this precious soul and for the lessons his life has already taught me.

❄️Merry Christmas ❄️

Let them be little

Our sweet little boy, Will, has been home for a month now! I cannot believe how fast time is flying, and how quickly he is growing! He is 5 months old, 2 months adjusted. His ‘adjusted’ age goes off of his due date. And that’s how we will track his growth & development, according to his adjusted age.

<birth  
  5 months>

At his last appointment he weighed 8 pounds 7 ounces. But I think he weighs at least 9 pounds now! and he barely fits in the pack n play insert we have now because he is getting so tall! He was 20.75 inches last appointment.

Here are some updates about the little man and his personality. He is still in newborn clothes. The fit pretty well for the width, but he's still got room in the length to grow. He's acting so old to me. He used to just sleep and eat. Now he is awake for more of the day, smiling and being cute! It's so fun talking to him and watching him respond. He's able to follow me with his eyes too! So I know he's actually looking at me :) His hair is starting to get darker, and he definitely has brown eyes. He hates being swaddled, but usually won't sleep well unless he is swaddled tight. But somehow almost every time he wakes up with his arms out of the swaddle, and sometimes his feet too! When he's awake he likes to have his arms and legs free, kicking and waving around. During the nights he wakes up every 3-4 hours to eat, during which time i've been watching Dawson's Creek on Netflix to help keep me awake! Sadly, I'm almost done with all 6 seasons, so I'll need to find another show to watch! Let me know if you have any suggestions! 

Right now, Will and I are in California with Matt's family! We have been here since Thanksgiving and we are very much enjoying it. Matt is at home in Utah working hard and studying up for finals and then he will be back in California on the 19th. It took a couple days to get used to the nights with Will without him, but we adjusted quickly. It's been nice being away from the snow and cold in Utah! 

 

So, when I first became pregnant, I wanted to breastfeed. I wasn't super educated on it, and knew it's usually hard with your first, but my sister began educating me and encouraging me. Well, when Will was born at 26 weeks, I began pumping a couple hours after he was born. I still had hope that one day I would be able to breastfeed my baby.   I had no idea what was in store for me as far as breastfeeding goes having a premature baby.  To keep my milk supply, I had to pump 8-10 times a day, which is every 2-3 hours.  Sadly, I was on high blood pressure medications for 6+weeks after I had Will, which didn't allow my milk to ever fully come in. Each time I pumped I would only get about an ounce from both sides combined (which isn't much at all). But, I hoped that once I did start nursing him, that my body would produce what he needed. I tried all sorts of supplements but nothing helped my supply to fully come in. Once Will was able to start to try breastfeeding, he would suck and suck and suck and barely get anything from me. I'm pretty sure it was partly due to his tongue tie, but also due to my lacking. Long story short, I was never able to fully breastfeed Will. So, for the past 5 months, I've been pumping. Because Will wasn't able to take my milk the first few weeks of life and then when he was sick as well, luckily we were able to store up a bunch of milk in our freezer. Sadly, we ran out of frozen milk last week. Which meant that it was no longer necessary for me to keep pumping because I wasn't producing nearly enough for him. It's hard to describe how much I loved and hated pumping. I hated it because it took up SO much of my time, and it often made me depressed because each time i pumped I was reminded of not having enough for Will. I loved it because for 4 months, it was the only thing i was able to do to be a mother to Will. Sure I visited him several times a day and held him, but the only part of me i was able to fully give to him was my milk. So last week I weened off of pumping, which broke my heart but also was a relief. 

I'm hoping that my next pregnancy is 100% different, with only the same end result, a beautiful healthy baby. 

On a brighter note, there was a video floating around Facebook made by a preemie  dad who took videos of their babies first year of life. Boy did I cry the entire video! Unfortunately, we didn't take many videos, but we took several pictures! So i put together this video of pictures from Will's 4 month NICU stay!

This past month has been the happiest month of my life. I am so so grateful for our baby boy and how healthy he is! This will be such a fun holiday season having our new addition with us. 

Matt's sister, Julie, took some 'wanna-be newborn' pictures for us a few weeks ago. He is still on oxygen but we took these right after his bath when we were changing his cheek stickers. 

It's weird being called a mom and saying ' I have a son'. But I LOVE it so so much. I can't imagine my life without this bundle of joy. My heart is so so full this holiday season and always will be. 

Also, Matt and I celebrated our 2 year anniversary! I cannot believe how quickly it has passed, though it also seems like a lifetime. I am so thankful for such a helpful, loving, amazing husband. He is such a great father to Will. Love you Matt!

xoxo

-one happy mama-

He's Home!

Will came home on Saturday November 2, which just happened to be his 4 month birthday! That week was a crazy one. The doctors had started talking about discharge with us and said it (most likely) be that week, but the previous Sunday (oct 27), Will had a really off day and wasn't wanting to eat anything. That made us nervous and we thought we would be staying longer because of it. BUT he picked up right where he left off eating the next day. The next few days went by so quickly! The nurses began doing all the discharge teaching with us and we were scheduled to "room-in" on friday night. Luckily Matt had already taken Friday off of work so it was going to work perfectly. 

 We quickly finished up the gifts we put together for our nurses! Here's a picture of it. It's a glass ornament with Will's profile silhouette inside with his name and date of birth. Then we attached this cute note we found on pinterest that says- 

"A little something for your tree

For when you see it think of me

And how you saved my life that year

And eased all of my parents fears

You may not wear a cape

You job's not fighting crime

But when i think of super heroes

It's you that comes to mind"

 We cleaned up the house and packed a bag for the night! We were so excited to spend the first night with our man. For the babies that go home on oxygen & monitors, they have the parents stay the night with the baby in a room to make sure everything is working and functioning as it should. 

 Here is the room we stayed in with Will. It was our first night on our own with  Will! 

 We LOVED it so much. We didn't want to put him down! 

 The picture below is of his 'bikini top' as my mom referred to it! Underneath it are two leeds that read his heart rate and respiratory rate. They hook up to a monitor that will alarm when his heart rate is too fast, too slow, or if he is periodic breathing. Most of the time it is only alarming because the leeds are falling off, or if we forget to plug it in to charge. 

 He is such a snuggle bug!

 The next morning the doctor came in and said he was discharging us! We had forgotten the 'coming home' outfit at home in the hustle of everything, so we just put some clothes that we had already been keeping at the hospital for him. We put him in his carseat- he wasn't too happy at first!

 And we were off!! I can't describe the emotions we felt that day. It was all so surreal. It didn't really hit me until we were actually home and I was feeding him. Tears came to my eyes, I hadn't ever imagined what it would be like to have him home because we had never known any different than the hospital! 

 Matt is SO great with Will. Especially during the night! He is so helpful and willing!

 On Sunday afternoon my mom and mason arrived! Mason was SO sweet with Will and just wanted to hold him and touch him. It was the cutest!

 My mom came to visit when Will was first born, but at the time he was still in an 'incubator' when he wasn't able to be held. So this was the first time she was able to hold our miracle boy!

 James had been showed pictures of Will on a daily basis so he knew who he was. He was so sweet with Will the first time he met him and it is so fun to watch him interact with him! 

 It was SOO nice having my mom here. She helped so much. Especially during the night. She would take Will and rock him when he was fussy so that we could sleep. She is the best!

 It has been SO nice having Aly live so close! Yesterday she and James walked over to watch Will while I showered. She's THE best! 

 Grandmother and Poppy came to visit!

 Kara just happened to overlap with my mom for a few days, so we had a family dinner with everyone on Friday night. 

 We hated to say goodbye to my mom :( But one day we will live close together! 

 Just missing sweet Taryn!

 We went on our first walk on saturday- Will seemed to like it!

 I am so lucky to be able to snuggle this boy whenever I want! 

 He loves crossing those ankles! We even have an ultrasound with him crossing them!

 We think he is going to have hazel eyes!

 He is growing up so fast. It's hard to believe he's already been home over a week!

 Love this boy with all my heart. 

After 4 months, 123 days in the NICU, we finally have our sweet little miracle baby home. We are still adjusting to the nights, but he give us good 2-4 hour increments where he sleeps and sleeps so we do too! We are so thankful to have him home.

We drove by the hospital the other day, and tears (lots) came to my eyes. 4 months of our year were spent there. We cried there. We laughed there. We hoped there. We loved it there. It was our second home. We became so close to our favorite nurses. During our 4 months there, we didn't know any different. We didn't know what it was like to bring home a baby from the hospital after he was just born, we didn't know what it was like to have a newborn at home. But now, looking back, it is safe to say it was the hardest journey we have ever traveled. It tested our faith, our love, and our strength, among many other things.  

I am so so thankful for the medical technology that we have today that allowed the doctors and nurses to save our little boys life. We will never ever forget them. It is thanks to them that I am able to snuggle my little boy every night. We are so so blessed.

Thank you to all who have contributed prayers to us during these past 4 months. We definitely saw the Lord's hand at work on a daily basis. We couldn't have made it through without all the love and support that was shown to us. We will never be able to repay you, but just know we appreciate you so much. 

And last of all, I want to publicly thank our Lord, our Savior, for giving this sweet spirit to us to care for.  I don't always feel worthy of His love, but i feel it constantly. I see the light of Christ in my sweet little one all the time. I am the luckiest mama and so thankful that our Father in Heaven trusted me with this sweet boy. 

xoxo