Let them be little

Our sweet little boy, Will, has been home for a month now! I cannot believe how fast time is flying, and how quickly he is growing! He is 5 months old, 2 months adjusted. His ‘adjusted’ age goes off of his due date. And that’s how we will track his growth & development, according to his adjusted age.

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At his last appointment he weighed 8 pounds 7 ounces. But I think he weighs at least 9 pounds now! and he barely fits in the pack n play insert we have now because he is getting so tall! He was 20.75 inches last appointment.

Here are some updates about the little man and his personality. He is still in newborn clothes. The fit pretty well for the width, but he's still got room in the length to grow. He's acting so old to me. He used to just sleep and eat. Now he is awake for more of the day, smiling and being cute! It's so fun talking to him and watching him respond. He's able to follow me with his eyes too! So I know he's actually looking at me :) His hair is starting to get darker, and he definitely has brown eyes. He hates being swaddled, but usually won't sleep well unless he is swaddled tight. But somehow almost every time he wakes up with his arms out of the swaddle, and sometimes his feet too! When he's awake he likes to have his arms and legs free, kicking and waving around. During the nights he wakes up every 3-4 hours to eat, during which time i've been watching Dawson's Creek on Netflix to help keep me awake! Sadly, I'm almost done with all 6 seasons, so I'll need to find another show to watch! Let me know if you have any suggestions! 

Right now, Will and I are in California with Matt's family! We have been here since Thanksgiving and we are very much enjoying it. Matt is at home in Utah working hard and studying up for finals and then he will be back in California on the 19th. It took a couple days to get used to the nights with Will without him, but we adjusted quickly. It's been nice being away from the snow and cold in Utah! 

 

So, when I first became pregnant, I wanted to breastfeed. I wasn't super educated on it, and knew it's usually hard with your first, but my sister began educating me and encouraging me. Well, when Will was born at 26 weeks, I began pumping a couple hours after he was born. I still had hope that one day I would be able to breastfeed my baby.   I had no idea what was in store for me as far as breastfeeding goes having a premature baby.  To keep my milk supply, I had to pump 8-10 times a day, which is every 2-3 hours.  Sadly, I was on high blood pressure medications for 6+weeks after I had Will, which didn't allow my milk to ever fully come in. Each time I pumped I would only get about an ounce from both sides combined (which isn't much at all). But, I hoped that once I did start nursing him, that my body would produce what he needed. I tried all sorts of supplements but nothing helped my supply to fully come in. Once Will was able to start to try breastfeeding, he would suck and suck and suck and barely get anything from me. I'm pretty sure it was partly due to his tongue tie, but also due to my lacking. Long story short, I was never able to fully breastfeed Will. So, for the past 5 months, I've been pumping. Because Will wasn't able to take my milk the first few weeks of life and then when he was sick as well, luckily we were able to store up a bunch of milk in our freezer. Sadly, we ran out of frozen milk last week. Which meant that it was no longer necessary for me to keep pumping because I wasn't producing nearly enough for him. It's hard to describe how much I loved and hated pumping. I hated it because it took up SO much of my time, and it often made me depressed because each time i pumped I was reminded of not having enough for Will. I loved it because for 4 months, it was the only thing i was able to do to be a mother to Will. Sure I visited him several times a day and held him, but the only part of me i was able to fully give to him was my milk. So last week I weened off of pumping, which broke my heart but also was a relief. 

I'm hoping that my next pregnancy is 100% different, with only the same end result, a beautiful healthy baby. 

On a brighter note, there was a video floating around Facebook made by a preemie  dad who took videos of their babies first year of life. Boy did I cry the entire video! Unfortunately, we didn't take many videos, but we took several pictures! So i put together this video of pictures from Will's 4 month NICU stay!

This past month has been the happiest month of my life. I am so so grateful for our baby boy and how healthy he is! This will be such a fun holiday season having our new addition with us. 

Matt's sister, Julie, took some 'wanna-be newborn' pictures for us a few weeks ago. He is still on oxygen but we took these right after his bath when we were changing his cheek stickers. 

It's weird being called a mom and saying ' I have a son'. But I LOVE it so so much. I can't imagine my life without this bundle of joy. My heart is so so full this holiday season and always will be. 

Also, Matt and I celebrated our 2 year anniversary! I cannot believe how quickly it has passed, though it also seems like a lifetime. I am so thankful for such a helpful, loving, amazing husband. He is such a great father to Will. Love you Matt!

xoxo

-one happy mama-